BTS: School transitions test nerves, deserve family help

Stepping through the door of a new school, Kelly's mind raced.

Which classroom will I be in? Those kids by that tree look friendly -- wonder if they'll be in my class. Will my teacher be as nice as the last one? Do they play kickball at recess here?

Whether it is the first day of kindergarten, the natural progression from elementary to middle school, or a complete uprooting to a new community, school transitions rate among the most challenging experiences for children. However, transition anxiety can be curtailed with a little family help.

"Parents play a critical role in the success of school transitions," said Susan Sheridan, director of the Nebraska Center for Research on Children, Families and Schools at the University of Nebraska-Lincoln. "Adults in children's lives help ease fears and anxieties. Parents are the support net for children."

A successful transition depends on two elements -- the child's ability to deal with social and academic situations, and the relationship between parent and child.

"Each child handles change in their own way. Some are resilient and adapt with ease; others have more difficulties," Sheridan said. "Parents really help children develop the skills and competencies to be successful. The relationship between parent and child is key."

Some simple steps can help parents ease the anxiety and set a child up for success. Sheridan said parents should set aside time to discuss the change with the child. If possible, tour the school and meet with new teachers and administrators.

"It is really important that children of any age feel comfortable with their surroundings," Sheridan said. "Visiting a school open house or setting up a tour is a way to give a child control and mastery over the new environment. It is also a great way for parents to feel comfortable with the new teacher.

"That is an important partnership to establish because parents and teachers both want what is best for the child." If a school visit is not possible, parents should -- at a minimum -- drive by the school or print a picture of the building.

On the night before the first day of class, have the student pick out their clothes and prepare other items (such as backpacks and sack lunches) to help reduce first-day stress.

Parents and students should also explore the extra-curricular activities available at the school. Discuss these with the child and get them involved as soon as possible.

"These social experiences are a wealth of opportunity to interact with groups, make new friends, develop new skill interests and maximize talents," Sheridan said. "But, be sure that you don't overextend the child. It is very important that a child still has down time; time to just sit back, unwind, process, relax and be a kid."

Communication before and after the move is also very important. Sheridan said parents should help the child set his or her own goals and establish a plan for making new friends.

Parents can also "role-play" with the child, discussing possible situations, and then discussing the best option to follow.

"It is really important for the parent to be a sounding board for the child," Sheridan said. "Keep checking in with them. If they have a concern about something at school, listen to what they have to say.

"Communicate in a way that is supportive and understanding, not in a way that is judgmental."

As a final way to trim the stress of the transition, parents should remain calm - no matter the situation.

"Moves and transitions are hard for adults too, but keep in mind you are always modeling something to your child," Sheridan said. "They are always watching, seeing how you react to the situation. How you deal with change and stress will be the same way your child does.

"Remain calm. Demonstrate to them how stress and problem solving can be handled effectively. Show them that you engage in the same type of behaviors you want to see in your child."

Contact: Susan Sheridan, professor, educational psychology, (402) 472-6941